"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
