Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
