It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
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btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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