I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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