He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
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I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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