i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
