I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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