so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
