I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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