So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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