You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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