Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
