the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
