covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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