something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
