They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
