i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
