Your dad touched me again.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
