you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
