Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We are all done wearing pants today
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
