Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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