I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
