We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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