she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
