i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
