You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
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Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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