Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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