My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
