Having a random hookup so left but love u
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
