thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
