Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
