And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
