I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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