I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
