Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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