My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
