There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
