I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
