if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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