She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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