Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
