I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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