Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
