I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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