Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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