Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
