and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
3 2 1 whiskey
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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