I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
