His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
