I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
