The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
