i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
