I'm so fucking centered right now
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
