A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
