I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
