I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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