He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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