I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
