i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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