I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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