i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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