you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
